Our wedding invites are being delivered, Alex’s desk at work is inundated with wedding deliveries and our evenings are spent creating wedding favours. As the deadline for the biggest project I’ve ever planned is closing in, I know that in just a couple of months I’ll have a lot of my free time back and, more importantly, some space in my mind for creativity! This, along with some other things happening at the moment, have really got me thinking about what I want to achieve in the next couple of years. If I can plan a wedding in under a year, the world’s my oyster, right?
Are you getting close to finishing a project in either your personal or work life? Do you know what you’re going to direct your time and energy towards next? Do you need a goal setting session so you can capitalise on what you’ve been doing lately?
I know I do!
I have lots of ideas, but I know I need to get clearer on exactly what I want to do. I think I’ll be taking a notebook with me on our honeymoon so I can use our travel time wisely and get really specific with my goals for the next year or two.
What is it that you would like to achieve in the next 12-24 months?
There’s a video I’ve seen on Instagram where Mel Robbins was speaking directly to women on International Women’s Day. In it she was telling us to stop transcribing the meetings we attend word-for-word. We believe we’re being diligent but she explained that when we’re poised to take notes, our body language implies that we’re not really there to participate.
Anyone else guilty of doing this? This struck a nerve with me because I know I am!
Taking notes makes me feel involved, but I know deep-down that it’s just the shy girl inside me trying to look busy so I don’t get picked on. It’s a behaviour I learned because it helped me to feel less vulnerable in situations where there was the potential that I would have to contribute, but it’s not something that I’ve adapted as I’ve grown in confidence.
I need to make sure I become more present in my meetings by taking less notes and being ready to share with any interesting points that come to mind. If Mel’s point also rings true for you, make a pact with yourself to only take down key bullet pointed notes in your next meeting and speak up!
Relationships can be hard, and this week Alex and I have had a lot to deal with, but it has only served to make me even more grateful for the fact he’s in my life. It’s just a couple of months until our wedding now and I honestly can’t wait until the day we say ‘I do’.
It’s important to remember that sometimes the harder times are there to remind you that, as a couple, you really can tackle anything – as long as you’re talking and you’re truly open and honest about how you’re feeling. Knowing that we really are partners in life and we’re both respectful of each other’s thoughts and opinions makes me excited about our future.
This is really just a little note to self to make sure I always remember to appreciate Alex and our relationship, ensuring it’s continues to be nurtured and we never get to a point where we’ve forgotten why we decided to spend our lives together in the first place.
Who do you have in your life that you need to remember to appreciate and why?
My Mum and I went to see My Fair Lady at the theatre on Saturday and it was great fun. It seemed to be a budget performance so some of the props were interesting to say the least, but the cast and orchestra were superb, and it made for a thoroughly enjoyable evening.
As a classic and a firm favourite of my Mum’s, I was already familiar with most of the storyline, but it was interesting to really engross myself in it for the first time. I was giggling away with the rest of them, but the feminist in me obviously noticed the copious amounts of sexism in the script. Granted, the original play dates back to 1913, but I couldn’t help but wonder if the story would someday change as we move towards gender equality.
I knew I wouldn’t be the first to think this so I went to Google and asked the question. I was greeted with articles explaining how My Fair Lady isn’t as sexist as we think. If nothing else, the story follows a strong female lead who goes after what she wants and makes it happen. I also stumbled across Amy Schumer’s summary of the plot which made me laugh: Girl meets mansplainer, chaos ensues. I particularly liked how she highlighted a line of Eliza’s where she says: ‘The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated.’ The premise of this statement is still the same nowadays, and it’s quite telling to see that the societal disparities that were written about decades ago are still so very prevalent today.
When was the last time you looked down on someone – intentionally or not? Whether you meant to or not, have you made someone feel a little worthless in your presence?
I know I’m guilty of making a passing remark without thinking about how this will sit with another person. With this in mind, how could you change the way you treat someone today to make sure you’re making them feel valued?
On Sunday night I did some yoga before bed and it made me realise that even when I think I’m relaxed, I’m really not.
The Yoga with Adriene video I watched asked you to ensure you were in the comfiest outfit possible, so I put on my pyjamas and started following along on YouTube. I thought I had given myself permission to relax fully and completely by making the decision to do some restful yoga before bed, but it was interesting to see just how much resistance was still there.
At the start, Adriene explains that the purpose of the video is to help you forget about any troubles and stresses from the day, and throughout she recites her mantra: ‘find what feels good’. Whenever she repeated this phrase, she also reminded viewers that they should not be straining to hold any of the poses, but instead, they should be finding what feels good to them and relaxing into each one in their own way. Every time she said this, I realised that I could relax into each pose that little bit more. Whether I was forcing a twist too much or holding a bridge pose too tightly, I needed the reminder that I wasn’t on my yoga mat to push myself, I was there to relax.
This got me thinking about how it could also correlate to other areas of my life and how I might be able relax into those that little bit more too.
What about you? Is there anywhere in your life where you know you’re holding onto things too much? What changes do you think you could make to help you ease your approach and unwind a little?
I was introduced to a quote by Alan Cohen this week which said that ‘Your assignment is the piece of the world you touch.’ I loved the simplicity of this and I think that’s why it resonated with me.
When you first read this, what did you think of?
For me, it was its beautiful link with creating a sense of purpose in our lives. I know that when I’m contemplating what I should do with my life, I always feel I could and should be doing more, but Alan Cohen’s words will now remind me to bring things back a notch.
I try every day to focus on the here and now, but it’s not always easy – especially when my mind starts to spiral. I’m certainly guilty of spiralling when I think about my purpose in this world, and when this inevitably happens, I now know I need to remember this quote and focus in on the part of the world that I do touch – and that I can influence.
Greatness awaits all of us, but greatness is measured in our own terms and we must remember that. Instead of thinking that we’ll never be successful until we reach unattainable Kardashian heights of wealth and influence, we should focus on the things that really matter to us. For me, happiness and contentment are my ultimate goals and they’re what I need to keep in mind when I’m mulling over my place in this world, and how I can make a difference to the piece of it that I touch.
How does your sense of purpose tie in with what you’re doing to make a difference to the piece of the world that you could influence?
As the wedding date gets closer and closer, the stress of finding the necessary cash to pay all of the vendors was once again keeping me up at night. All of my efforts selling items on Facebook Marketplace has helped, but I knew we were still going to fall short of our saving target. Instead of just letting the stress build up, I began looking for other ways in which to make a little extra money, and it turned out that football was the answer.
Last week, Alex and I put our annual leave to good use and did some matched betting. If you haven’t heard of this before, it’s basically placing bets on football matches to strategically take advantage of the free bets that bookmakers offer when you sign up. For just a few hours work across the week, we managed to make around £400 to put into the kitty for our wedding, and it had the added bonus of alleviating some of my anxiety about finances.
After sourcing a solution and encouraging Alex to implement it alongside me, I felt proud when I read the following caption on Instagram because I knew that I had been taking yet more action to solve our problems. I haven’t waited for anyone to save me and a task that seemed insurmountable back when we started planning suddenly seems achievable.
‘Nobody is coming to save you, give you permission, or choose you. You have all the tools you need to do what you’re dreaming of doing. Please stop waiting. Please stop standing in your own way. Your future is waiting on you.’ Cara Alwill Leyba
Is there something in your life that’s stressing you right now? Instead of hoping someone else will come along and solve the problem, what can you do right now to try to resolve it?
Remember, there is always a way if you’re willing to try.
Last week one of my desk calendar’s daily notes read:
Highly functioning people say, “Where I am is fine, but I can grow.”
I liked this for a number of reasons. Firstly because it served as a good reminder that there is always the space for us to evolve, and secondly because it made me think about where my life is right now and understand that everything really is fine. In a world where we’re trained to thrive on the highs and anything less than that is seen as a cause for concern, it was nice to be reminded that fine is alright too. The other thing I liked about this note was the use of the word ‘can’. ‘I can grow’ – meaning that it’s your choice. If you focus your mind and your efforts, you will reap the rewards.
How do you think taking stock of where you are right now would serve you?
I listened to a Louise L. Hay meditation this morning that featured a lot of affirmations and one in particular stuck out to me: ‘I see clearly. I now create a life I love to look at.’
I think it resonated with me because it’s sometimes evident that we don’t always see what’s right in front of us. For example, I was driving my car the other day and a pedestrian crossed out into the street in front of me. He’d looked before stepping out into the road but he hadn’t really seen me. We’ve all been guilty of this at one time or another, but if we don’t really look in potentially dangerous situations like this, what impact is this same habit likely having on other areas of our lives?
Is there anything that you’re pretending to look at and tackle head on, but deep down you know you’re only doing the bare minimum? What is it that you’re choosing not to see?
If we loop back around to Louise’s affirmation: ‘I see clearly. I now create a life I love to look at’, can you think of an area in your life that would benefit from some direct attention and help you on your way to creating a life you love to look at?
I recently started watching The Blacklist and while I knew I’d started the series before, I couldn’t remember where I’d got to because it was years ago. Alex asked exactly how long it had been and I jokingly said that it was before I even knew he existed.
After writing about how people can make lasting impressions without realising it last week, this got me thinking about how much life can change in just a short period of time. With Alex being at the heart of my future, it seemed strange to be reminded of a time in my life when he didn’t factor into any decisions that I made.
Sometimes people enter our lives for fleeting moments, sometimes they stay for longer than we’d want, and sometimes, just sometimes, we meet people that we hope will stick around forever.
At the moment, I feel incredibly lucky because my mum has just moved closer to me meaning she can pop round for a cup of tea whenever she likes; I’ve had a lovely lunch date with my Dad and a fabulously drunken dinner with my Maid of Honour recently; I have a day out planned with my Nana, I’ve just heard the news that a close friend is moving closer to the North East and, of course, the countdown to when I get to marry Alex is well and truly on.
In order to encourage those who we want to stay forever to do just that, we have to remember to remind them just how much they are treasured. So, with that in mind, do you have anyone special in your life that needs a little reminder of how much they mean to you?